This reads like a myth rewritten in blood and sinew. The way you explore self-possession by literally dissecting your impulses is both brutal and brilliant. Not everyone’s going to be ready for this kind of mirror, but damn what a mirror.
Thank you for reading. I'm constantly trying to push into ground others wouldn't walk on. Dissecting myself felt necessary in my journey to understand myself. But if needed I can claim that the narrator isn't me at all and put distance there.
Do you want to know a secret? I also had to take a break before the third part. I'm not made of stone and it was really hard killing Jane but it needed to be done.
The flow naturally keeps returning to seven syllables (3.5 metric feet), the first 5 lines go 7/6/8/6/9. It gives it a sort of split-and-returning-home feel that works very well for the topic. Well done.
It reminded me of a conversation I had with my husband where I was trying to think of a song and I said "its the one about necrophilia" and then he listed off 6 wrong answers. Lots of necrophilia in metal I guess 🤣
Lol, the way I see it, metal and Death Metal in particular, it's precisely about exploring that darker side of humanity.
I remember watching a movie about that but I can never remember the name... it's probably the only movie I've seen where it's romanticized and it was about a woman who was into it... very interesting.
Yeah, massively. And it brings a whole new perspective of integration. Rather than keeping the sides separate, or leaving them with power over you, you reclaim the narrative and acknowledge them and what they do for you but take away their power over you. It’s genius.
No matter what type of story you write it is always well detailed and thrilling . Elements of lust, sexuality combined with gore and blood . You are speaking my language
"I know she's hurt me; But she's also kept me safe." Gory, honest and shockingly relatable. I love them both, and it's fascinating that the narrator (and I as reader) holds more anger toward Lust than Jane as I imagine that Lust, in her own way, has also kept her safe. Thank you so much for this.
Thank you! Lust cares more about her than Jane does for sure. She's made her care about herself and not just everyone else. She doesn't really deserve the anger but she's a scapegoat. The narrator wants to blame her for all of their problems but she still admits the good Lust does.
This reads like a myth rewritten in blood and sinew. The way you explore self-possession by literally dissecting your impulses is both brutal and brilliant. Not everyone’s going to be ready for this kind of mirror, but damn what a mirror.
Thank you for reading. I'm constantly trying to push into ground others wouldn't walk on. Dissecting myself felt necessary in my journey to understand myself. But if needed I can claim that the narrator isn't me at all and put distance there.
You my friend are an amazing scary genius!
Thank you that is very high praise and don't worry I would definitely just run away from you if we met in a dark alley 😅
Oh you don’t have to run away. That’s when the shadows get excited. Just sit. Sip this mysterious tea. Ignore the chanting. 🤣
This was so fucking gory. God I had to take a break halfway through the third part. Dammit Ash, you killed me with this one
Do you want to know a secret? I also had to take a break before the third part. I'm not made of stone and it was really hard killing Jane but it needed to be done.
This was terrifying. Definitely terror tuesday.
The flow naturally keeps returning to seven syllables (3.5 metric feet), the first 5 lines go 7/6/8/6/9. It gives it a sort of split-and-returning-home feel that works very well for the topic. Well done.
Thank you! I'm always interested to know what my rhythm is. I don't do syllable counts I just write it in a way that flows for me.
This is delicious.
I'm glad you gave it a try 😋
Have you considered writing Death Metal lyrics? 😂
Actually I've been considering writing music. It's not that different from poetry right?
I keep listening to songs and thinking they would make really good poems 🤣
Yeah, poems could make good songs and songs could make good lyrics. I may share the lyrics to a song this kind of reminded me of...
You definitely should!
Okay, here you go:
https://songmeanings.com/songs/view/3530822107858686319/
I really like it! Would make a good poem too 🤔
It reminded me of a conversation I had with my husband where I was trying to think of a song and I said "its the one about necrophilia" and then he listed off 6 wrong answers. Lots of necrophilia in metal I guess 🤣
Lol, the way I see it, metal and Death Metal in particular, it's precisely about exploring that darker side of humanity.
I remember watching a movie about that but I can never remember the name... it's probably the only movie I've seen where it's romanticized and it was about a woman who was into it... very interesting.
I may even write something about that... 🤔
I dunno. If you have to be at some kind’a conference or meeting lust seems as good a reason as any.
Meetings with Lust involved are always more interesting for sure.
Breathtakingly brilliant!
Thank you!
That was brilliant. I loved and hated both of them, and completely related. Inspired me to look inwards a little harder.
Thank you! I knew you would relate. Doesn’t this remind you of our conversation?
Yeah, massively. And it brings a whole new perspective of integration. Rather than keeping the sides separate, or leaving them with power over you, you reclaim the narrative and acknowledge them and what they do for you but take away their power over you. It’s genius.
Gory but delightful
Thank you! That is what I strive for 😅
No matter what type of story you write it is always well detailed and thrilling . Elements of lust, sexuality combined with gore and blood . You are speaking my language
Thank you! I really appreciate that you read all of them. I've got a little something for everyone 😅
"I know she's hurt me; But she's also kept me safe." Gory, honest and shockingly relatable. I love them both, and it's fascinating that the narrator (and I as reader) holds more anger toward Lust than Jane as I imagine that Lust, in her own way, has also kept her safe. Thank you so much for this.
Thank you! Lust cares more about her than Jane does for sure. She's made her care about herself and not just everyone else. She doesn't really deserve the anger but she's a scapegoat. The narrator wants to blame her for all of their problems but she still admits the good Lust does.
I love that. Yes, she’s just the loudest in the room. An easy scapegoat.
Thank you! That's exactly what I was going for, this healing is definitely not pretty or painless for anyone involved but the end result is worth it.